I used to feel like a dog on the edge of a highway. Fascinated by the quickly passing by cars and buses which always seemed to know where they were headed, hurrying quickly to the destinations they were so sure they needed to reach. I was so unlike them. I stood at the edge of the road not knowing even which direction to venture out into. Thoughts of possible death by getting crushed were not what stopped my steps. Neither the fear that I had no idea which side lay what. It was this undefined vagueness in my eyes which made everything very blurry – like an old, grainy sepia coloured film running in slow motion. I was lost in the view. I wasn’t in a hurry. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I had no destination. I just wanted to enjoy the view.
Today I feel like a horse. Not a stallion running free through the steppes in broken animation through a corny lined Hollywood movie. I am like a race horse with flaps on the side of my eyes to make me focus on one and only one goal – to reach the finish line before other horses with similar flaps on their eyes. I don’t look left and right, never get to know who those other horses are, never get to know why they are racing against me or what will happen to the horse which comes last. Curiously, the race never ends. Just when the finish line with the flashbulbs getting ready comes into view across the inner rail of the track, the checkered flag is nowhere to be seen. I realize the race will continue into another lap. And a lap after that. And that will continue lap after lap. Why do the other horses then keep racing? Why don’t they give up – knowing fully well that this race will never end? They seem to be running to a trophy that cannot be won. So why do I race? Why do I try to get ahead of the horse next to me when I have nothing against it?
Which one was the free spirited of the two? The majestic looking horse with its mane flowing in the slow breeze, moving gracefully to its master’s asking to the joy of so many. Or the scared looking dog, looking with eyes full of curiosity at a world unknown to him so far. The horse which endlessly keep racing against opponents which he doesn’t know for reasons that he doesn’t understand. Or the dog entering the zone of high risk of death with no consolation other than the possibility of finding Neverland on the other side. I still do not know.
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